The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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