Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
