have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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