last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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