I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
