Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
