i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
