rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
