***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
