wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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