i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
