Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
