honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
