Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
