Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
