I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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