The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
