I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
