I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You ruined the universe
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
