White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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