I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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