One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
