You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
