if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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