the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
