If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
