U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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