Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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