So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
