sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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