How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
