3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
