i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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