I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
