I got chris browned last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
