He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
