dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
