a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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