if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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