just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
