she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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