her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
