I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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