i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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