Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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