I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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