plz talk dirty to me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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