Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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