So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
