you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
