Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
