I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
