You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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