Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
