some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You need a sexual gate keeper
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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