He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
