Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
