did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
