They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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