I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
