I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
being pregnant is like rehab
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
