the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
