I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
