I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
