he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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